Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

Just sharing a story that most likely will get criticised by bros here. Here goes nothing.

This isn’t the first time I get emotionally involved with a FL. First was with a Thai FL back during pre-covid days. Got quite beat up by it not gonna lie. But i pulled through. Now is another FL from Vietnam. Got her contact and chatted a few days. She will always text me after she finish her work and we chatted till quite late on certain days. I knew this was a bad sign so I tried to make sure i don put too much emotions into it.

I guess i made the wrong move wanting to know her better by asking her about her personal life and just trying to get to know her better in general. She also asked about me so I just answer honestly. Turns out my questioning resulted in her re-living some nasty memories and now she cuts off contact with me totally. I was shocked by that since I thought that is how people start a conversation but i was wrong.

Before everything turns south she mentioned that she was surprised that both of us hit it off so well in the beginning. Since working as a FL is pretty much a secret for her, she has no one to share her experiences with except me. It’s awesome to have someone to talk to despite the communication difficulties but i never expect things to turn out this way.

I am still a bit taken aback on how things ended. Her last message to me was that our conversation throughout made her laugh but she doesn’t want to “learn more about each other anymore”. She felt that she should stop talking to me and she is very glad to know me. After that she blocked me and said sorry and thank you.

I have no problem forgetting her but it will take a few days to settle my mind. The whole situation is just confusing throughout. I guess she had a pretty rough past and i manage to hit the ‘right’ spot for her to set her ablaze. One thing for sure is I never really invest much into this ‘relationship’ due to what happened to me in the past. But oh man. What a nightmare still.

Yeah it takes a period of time to get over the girl. Its awful in beginning i know. Like its a waste the relationship with a beautiful girl didnt come out good. Its good to let it out here so it will be easier for you to forget her. The shiok boy girlfriend experience with a fl who you had a good time with is prob not real love so hope your state of mind gets its adjustment soonest. Meanwhile you may like to keep getting yourself busy

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

Yes it is awful. i am out in the wild playing for quite some time to understand all these ain’t real. But somehow the heart always wants it to be real. At least this time round i am keeping my head above the water and ensuring my mind is clear. I don’t want my heart to take over my mind and all things are fucked.

Some time when chatting with these FL, i cant help but see them as liars and gold diggers. I really wanna treat them as a fellow human being that have their own sets of struggles and mindsets but the way they approach people like us is really quite a turn off. Maybe because we are the customers so the treatment will naturally be different. Just my one cent.

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

The beginning of any relationship is always first physical attraction, then conversation.

The basis/base-line of any STRONG relationship is often based upon Common Interests-books, sports, politics, etc, & even window shopping. It needs such commonality to SUSTAIN a relationship when the physical attraction wanes.

Without common interests, couples stop talking to each other, & find another, resulting in break-ups of relationships & worse-divorced if married.

It may had been PHYSICAL ATTRACTION that brought you both together, & as you had said, she poured out her issues in her life to you. Women love listeners. You probably did a good job & thus she texts you after work - someone whom will listen to her issues instead of dictating & demanding to her such as her boss or customers.

But such are not how relationships are build upon. You may be a good listener, have the time, but you too, like most, will have own issues in life - then who will listen to you, to share & care? She may not be the type whom will listen to your woes, as she thinks her issues r far bigger than yours, being a foreign lady working in this industry in this country.

Furthermore, girls in this industry are not alone. She would have to be recommended to the job & peers whom teach her the ways, & falling in love should be the last thing she should do, as it will only lead to despair & pain later. She too will age, & customers attracted to physical looks/actions will go for another when bored. Thus perhaps her guard up, to protect herself.

Due to 2yrs of Covid restrictions, it had upended many lives both physically and mentally. Humans r sociable creatures. Once deprived of it, the mental strain shows, more so upon those whom are introverts & will feel lonely. And thus they will fall freely blindly unaware of pitfalls once someone shows attention & affection, expending emotions & finance easily.

When one enters this industry as a customer, one must always follow the rules - never be overwhelmed by attention & affection, but pay up, F & F, & walk away to spare oneself mental, physical, emotional & financial pain later.

She may be doing you favor, as she knows herself & her trade. You now only need to know yourself, to walk away and find someone you can share common interests in life, such as at work, at malls, at sports facillities, etc. There are many. At worse, match making services for demure foreign brides to teach & build up relationships, than girls in this sad industry...

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

Did you manage to raw her?

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

Wise words and I totally agree. Let's just put it this way. I am not as affected since previous lessons taught me alot. I am actually less invested and keep my guard in case such things happen, which it did. Yes I agree she might be doing a favour and I appreciates it. The potential pitfall is something I might not be able to handle.

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

Raw is war. I don't do it and will not do it.

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

Update:

Just a little update. The FL added me back on wechat last night. But I didn’t talk to her. Woke up this morning with some messages from her saying that she is worried about me and ask if i am ok. Not those massive spam kind but i replied her this morning just to assure her i am fine. Beside i already deleted her number so i kinda moved on already. For now i will reduce my contact with her so to protect myself and I don’t want to disappear all of a sudden creating unnecessary distress also. Let’s hope this either end properly or we just remains as causal friends. Thanks for the replies from bros in this thread. Appreciates all the insight. Cheers!

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

hope you feel better. but in the long run, best not to even start to know them personally. fuck and move on. this is not to say you can't be respectful of them, but the line must be drawn clearly and early.

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

It’s normal. I maintained contact with a masseuse even after she went back to xinjiang because she’s such an angel. We will share things about our life and she will also share interesting things like catching scorpions for money. One day she asked me to transfer $2000 to her. I asked her why she needs the money then she said no point to be friends since I cannot help her. And she blocked me. So she expects me to give her money without question.

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

This sucks man. Maybe my Viet FL added me back again coz she got no support here. So perhaps one day she might ask me for money and block me when i have no use for her.

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

bro just keep her as FB, fuck forget type.

If you feel difficulty to handle lot of bros will help you to do it :D

It’s true. Don’t fool yourself that you can find real love in massage or fj scene. These gals are so much smarter than us and they are good with playing emotions.

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

For me, I draw the line clearly. I got normal female frens whom I can tcss with. And the working gals are strictly for me to release my cum & release stress so I can regain my sanity

Re: Getting emotionally involved with Viet FL
 

I am in a relationship with a Viet ex-KTV gal for the last 3 years, put in quite a bit of effort learnt learning the language and understanding Viet culture, so I thought I'll put in my perspective.

Your girl is probably just lonely and needs someone to talk to. The yearning for emotional intimacy is normal, and especially so if she has kept her FL job a secret from those around her.

Outright lies, half-truths and secrets are an integral part of Viet culture. If you ever watched the movie "Bo Gia" (Old Father), you will probably be shocked at the extent to which Viets maintain an external persona/image and hide secrets, even from family members. A woman hiding her job as an FL will feel extremely lonely and wants someone to talk to, and yes - though her work is by no means "respectable" she probably yearns for emotional intimacy and hopefully love. That is probably why she added you back. Amongst Viets, FLs are at the bottom of the literal totem pole in terms of respectability - even less so than a KTV girl, so the fact that she was desperate enough to take this step is socially humiliating and isolating for her.

If you do not want to have her in your life, because it is simply too complicated then it is best that you cut her off totally. She added you back, because she hopes that you will stay in hers. Being involved with someone from the industry is extremely difficult and nobody can be blamed for wanting to walk away. I think it is dangerous to assume that it is possible to stay as "casual friends" given the initial chemistry that you already have.

I applaud you for treating this gal first and foremost as a woman, and not like an FL. She probably felt it too, and hence she responded positively. Just be mindful, that in this kind of situation it is unrealistic to think that you can control your emotions and sustain a "middle ground", since there is already some chemistry.

All the best, whichever your choice(s) may be.